SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

I woke up this morning with a pretty bad hangover. Is this my fault? Is it because I had a couple to many beers? I don't believe so. Budweiser wouldn't do that to me, we're friends. I blame todays nominee for the massive headache and all around shitty feeling I have been dealing with all day. Todays nominee is...THE GUY WHO INVENTED JAGER BOMBS! You asshole! You combined the deliciousness of red bull with the blackoutness of Jager. Because of your invention I have had the shakes all day. It's not just jager bombs though, it's any shot with the word "Bomb" attached to it. When you mix an energy drink with any alcoholic beverage it's probably not the best idea. These little bastards will sneak up on you. I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "Jager Bombs?!?!? You're bitching about Jager Bombs? I shoot 151 with no chaser!" Listen tough guy and or girl, good for you! I don't feel the need to prove my manliness when ordering a round of shots. I AM A MAN! I HAVE A BEARD! I don't need to prove anything to you! I'm trying to be courteous of others when ordering drinks so that everyone will enjoy them. I'm almost sure the the guy who invented jager bombs was thinking the same when he ordered the first ever round of them. It's either that or he wanted to get some chick super wasted so he could "watch a movie" with her. THE GUY WHO INVENTED JAGER BOMBS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

MY NAME IS FIIIIIISSSSSTTTTTT, FIST ROCK!

I don't understand some things in life. Why is fried chicken so unhealthy, yet so delicious? Why are shots at the bar so delicious, yet so expensive? Why am I not rich yet? Why do people who get rich off of one thing feel the need to try something different? Todays nominee is.....KID ROCK. The balls on this guy! You got famous for being a 3 in 1 combination of a DJ/RAPPER/ROCKER who happens to be white trash and proud of it. That's not enough for him to be satisified. He has to branch off in to country music? You ever heard of "spread the wealth" Kid Rock? I bet your a selfish bastard. I'm sure all you had to do was call your label, tell em you've gone country, and they said it was the best idea ever! Something like this, "Your going to sell millions of albums! Who cares about the fans that enjoyed the music you became famous for?" Your kind of a dick Kid Rock. Let me explain why I say your only "kind of" a dick. I like the fact that you still fight at waffle house, or strip clubs in whatever town your in. I like that you either have been smiling, or so trashed you don't seem to have any idea what's going on in every mugshot I have seen of you. Sometimes you find yourself in a Waffle House, in a town your just visiting for work, and you have to deal with assholes. I've been there. I approve of the way you handled it, I did the same. I'm going to use those qualitys to take some force off of your fist. Unfortunately, you still must be punched. Let someone else have a shot at making a country album that actually loves the music and is not just trying to find a new way to make money. It's not really even "country" specific, just quit making stupid shit. What's your next move Kid Rock? You gonna move over to R&B and cover some classic Jodeci? I'm sure you've got some old thick gold chains along with a kangol suit that you could use for the video. I bet your version of  "Come and Talk To Me" will top the charts! KID ROCK, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

Adam Nash is Punching Facebook in The Face!

I have decided to end the longest relationship in my life. There have been good times, there have been bad times. In the end I believe I will be better on my own. This leads to todays nominee....FACEBOOK! That is correct, I am deleting my facebook account. I have wasted far to many hours of my life on the social network instead of improving my real life. I'm done with it. Although I enjoy checking out all the pictures taken while having good times with friends, that is about all I will miss. I will not miss all the drama that has been caused by unecessary comments, status updates, etc. I am now ready to get back to one on one communication with all my actual friends, not just "Facebook Friends". It is scary to think that I will no longer be aware of what goes on in this whole other world. I feel it will also be a sort of weight off of my shoulders. I feel like I am Neo in the matrix. I am ready to step out and see what the real world is like. A world where accepting friends and updating my status will no longer be a priority. Step back and think about it for a minute. I know that almost everyone loves facebook that has an account. I did for a while, but not so much anymore. People no longer take the time to call or text and catch up but instead leave a comment for everyone else to see and put their thoughts in. Close friendships have turned into nothing more then clicking "like" on a status. As far as the fan page for this blog on facebook, I'm not really sure what will happen with it. It will still be available for your comments and posts. It will be up to you as a reader and follower to keep it alive. In the words of Drago from Rocky, "If it dies, it dies!" I will continue to blog and hopefully do it more frequently without the distraction of facebook. FACEBOOK, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

The best part of waking up, is a FIST in your cup!

I hate waking up. I hate interacting with others when I have just woken up. I hate when I want to go to sleep or stay asleep and others interupt me. Todays nominee, MORNING PEOPLE! If you wake up and feel it necessary to chat it up, talk to yourself. It's not that I don't like you or want to speak with you, you're just gonna need to give it a couple hours. Some people have the capability to wake up and put a smile on their face and be social, I am not one of you weirdo's. I need at least an hour of alone time before I am ready to deal with other voices besides the ones in my head. I would also like to address those that feel it necessary to be loud and annoying while I am trying to go to sleep. When I have decided it's bedtime it's time to shut it. I don't wanna hear your t.v. through the wall, or your thoughts on how the day went. I am a cranky jerk. I'm ok with that. I am currently in a hotel room where I have to deal with some annoying lady on the otherside of the wall who wakes up way to early and decdies to start calling everyone she know's. REALLY?!?!? It's frickin 8 a.m. and you wanna talk? I bet the people you call don't want to deal with your ass either. I definitely don't wanna hear you going on about nothing to someone who probably couldn't  care less. How bout you do us all a favor and put your phone in a timed safe that doesn't open til about noon. Bottom line is if everyone could maintain a code of silence until approval has been given by everyone else to speak, the world would be a better place. MORNING PEOPLE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Please put your seats in the upright position to prepare for a FIST!!!

I have been notified by several followers that I have not been writing frequently enough. My sincerest apologizes. I'm sorry that I've had other things going on that have put a damper on your day. PLEASE don't be mad. It would break my heart to upset you. If you didn't catch the sarcasm in that, try reading it again. I would like to suggest that join in on the fun. There is a facebook fan page set up that you can send nominations or suggestions for who you would like to see punched in the face. If you have facebook, search for "You Deserve To Be Punched In The Face" and it should pop right up. Tell your friends and spread the word. That is a shameless plug for promotion of the blog. DO YOUR PART! If I can get enough followers I can find a blog site where I could recieve payment for my rudeness and eventually quit my job to write everyday to please you all. That being said, here is todays nominee....UNITED AIRLINES! I recently flew United, not by choice but instead due to one of my connection flights being cancelled while in Chicago on my way to Memphis. This caused my layover to be extended for an extra two hours. Do you know how much drinks are at that airport United?!?! Ridiculously expensive! So I had to put two more hours worth on my tab. I boarded my flight and slept through the next 2 hours til I arrived in Memphis. Not expecting any problem I went to pick up my luggage only to find that it had been lost! REALLY?!?! I don't understand how you can lose my luggage when it was literally going directly from one destination to the next with no interuption. If you have never had your stuff lost let me tell you, it is a complete pain in the ass. I was given a number to call and track the movement of my bag until it would arrive at my hotel. That is when it got even more fun. The representative on the other side of the phone could barely understand me, let alone speak english back. I had to spell every word I was saying. Here is an example, "A as in asshole, D as in dumbass, A as in aggrivating, M as in moron". If you are going to work for a company where the primary language used is english and you are unfamiliar with it, you should be fired. Go back to making Nike shoes and put someone who doesn't have to use a fake "American" name on the line. I'm not mad if you're from another country and your just trying to do your job, as long as you possess the qualifications necessary to do so. I would like to be the guy who does the voice for all the movie previews that makes millions of dollars for talking cool. Unfortunately I was only blessed with the ability to sing like an angel, not talk like a badass. I am not qualified to do that job. Try following my lead here United, only allow people who can actually do their job to have one. UNITED AIRLINES, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

Keep your eyes on the road before you run into a FIST

When I came home from my last job I managed to drink about a 40's worth of red bull on the drive back. This then kept me awake for roughly two days, minus a couple hours I passed out on the couch. While I was awake in the late night/early morning I saw an infomercial for real estate that guaranteed me to get FILTHY RICH! If you have suffered from insomnia or been up drunk watching the t.v. you have almost definitely seen the same commercial. Todays nominee is...DEAN GRAZIOSI! This frickin' guy! I was honestly torn between writing a blog about him or buying his book! Every bio. that I have read about Dean shows that he has legitimately made a boat load of money on his own in real estate. His books have been at the top of best-seller lists and supposedly other people have made money following his guide. Are you starting to wonder what I have against Dean Graziosi? Let me tell you. HE FILMED HIS COMMERCIAL WHILE DRIVING HIS CAR! REALLY?!?! That shit ain't safe! People are so worried about texting while driving, when will the real problem of filming commercials while driving be addressed? If your so rich, and ballin' out from real estate where is your set? Did you use super glue or duct tape to strap your hand held camera on to your dashboard? He even makes references while filming himself that he has to be careful because "I'm driving right now!" This guy has got some balls on him! Does he think he is impressing me because he's filming a commercial while driving? If so, he is sadly mistaken. I have done way more impressive things while driving. Have you ever changed your whole outfit including pants while driving Dean? Have you ever ate a delicious chipotle burrito while driving Dean? Have you ever chugged a beer while you were texting and playing poker online driving a stick shift Dean? I may have or may not have done the last one but I know for a fact that Dean hasn't! He looks way more like a hookers and blow kind of guy. DEAN GRAZIOSI, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Have a shot of jack with a FIST backer

So now that I have been forced to work swing (night) shift I have had to deal with many new personalities. Most of which I do not care for. The later the day goes on, the drunker and more annoying they get. I had this problem when I was a bouncer also. I don't deal with drunks well when I too am not drunk. Todays nominee is....ANNOYING DRUNKS. Look, I like to party. I like to party with other people. But I don't like to be around other people partying when I'm not. It is on my top 5 list of situations I hate being in. As the night goes on players stumble in from the night club in the casino and other bars that have shut down. This is not ok. Go home! Don't make me listen to your stories as you unknowingly repeat them over, and over again. This is not cool. Unless your gonna be the drunk that tips me minimum $5 a hand, I will tell you to stop repeating yourself. You will then be offended which of course you will overreact to because your wasted. Have I ever been drunk while others weren't and made them deal with my obnoxiousness? Of course I have. In case you haven't caught on to the pattern of this blog so far, I am different then everyone else. I am awesome, and everyone loves me unconditionally. So none of the situations that upset me, apply to me. I don't like being in bars with drunks, I don't like dealing cards with drunks, I don't like riding in cars with drunks, and I DO NOT like green eggs and ham...ANNOYING DRUNKS, YOU DESERVER TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

2 days can't come quick enough!

I have found myself in a bit of a situation as of late, so many deserve to be nominated that I don't know where to begin. I could post a list of names and go one by one but I don't feel like giving you that much time out of my precious life. I have the time to do it because most of you that would be on this list have talked enough shit about me that my work hours have been restricted. My trip that I have been on for work for the past week or so has been completely shit on by your unecessary drama. My personal life has been affected and it's all due to your assholeness...Todays nominee is DRAMA KINGS/ QUEENS OF TULSA! I think that almost everyone that has a job has someone they work with that is worthless but can't come to terms with it. They feel over entitled to things that they don't deserve. I should probably get this out of the way before I get any further, this is not directed at everyone I work with here. If you come to work, do your job, and allow others to do the same this is not for you. But it if you are one of the ones here affected with my previously mentioned "Hateriosis", piss off. Because of your bitching and whining everyday I have been forced to deal with drama from all angles of my life. You have put me in such a bad spot that it has the potential to change everything that my life is at this moment. I try to create humor on this blog for people to read and enjoy, but this is not in the least bit amusing to me. I feel like I am back at high school being the cool kid (that I obviously am), and you are the tag alongs that never could have the relationships with others that you wanted. You should take a step back, look in the mirror and repeat after me..."I am an asshole, I am NOT what I tell myself I am everyday, People don't like me, I am an asshole!" Once you can come to terms with what you are, you can change. Maybe one day you'll earn everything that you think deserve. ONCE AGAIN, this is a small group that is ruining things for the majority of good people. If you are one of the good people and are tired of getting a bad reputation do to your co-workers, stand up for yourself. There are times in life where what must be done, must be done regardless of consequences.If you feel that you are one of the before mentioned assholes feel free to come talk to me about it. I would love to hear your reasons for acting the way you do. DRAMA KINGS/QUEENS OF TULSA, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

Please hold while I punch

I just got off of the phone with the unemployment office. Clearly there is no need to go into who's getting nominated today...NEVADA UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE! So like most human beings under the age of 49 I no longer have a million minutes for my phone each month. I have 400 monthly for during the day, and unlimited nights and weekends. It took 210 minutes this morning to deal with these assholes. REALLY!?!? Over half of my monthly minutes were wasted while on hold, and they asked the same questions over and over. I was speaking to an actual person for less then a half hour of the total time I was on the phone. I had all the information necessary to make the process quick and easy but they were having none of that. I had all my jobs, locations, phone numbers, etc. for everywhere that I had worked for the last 2 years ready to go. This was not my doing, I don't plan that far ahead, but my girl does. I plan on not planning and then taking up all the time and resources of the responsible other party. But I was ready this time! Except I forgot that for a 6 weekend period last year I "checked" ID at the door of a college bar. This made everything go ape shit. When I asked for 2 minutes to look up the info from the bar I was told very firmly,  "I can not hold for 2 minutes while you look, there are others on hold that have all their information ready!" You have had me on hold for over 2 hours you incompetent waste of space! I could literally hear the woman asking her supervisor or whoever it was that was next to her the answers to all my questions. If your job is to answer the phone and answer other people's questions shouldn't you know your shit? How bout next time you answer the phone "Diane", just say "Thank you for calling Dominoes. How may I help you?" This is what I did when I worked at Pizza Hut and didn't feel like dealing with customers. Sixty percent of the time, it works everytime. NEVADA UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Put your face on my fist!

Tonight I feel like punching everyone. This probably includes anyone reading this. It's nothing personal, it's just how I feel at the moment. Todays nominee is EVERYONE! You may be asking yourself, What did I do to deserve to be nominated? What has the entire population of the world done to deserve this? The real question you should be asking is, What have I done to stay off of the list? Have you brought me food or other supplys necessary to survive my day to day life? Have you given me money to support any of many bad habits? Ballin ain't cheap. I still have no idea how I pulled a muscle in my chest that combined with my massive heart burn made me think I was having a heart attack. Are you helping me solve that mystery? No one has come forward with information. Now because of your lack of help in the investigation department I gotta pay a hospital bill that has yet to be sent to me. You gonna help pay that? Are you going to become my personal trainer that will travel with me from tournament to tournament to make sure I eat healthy and exercise? Will you accept bad beat stories and skittles as payment for this job? My truck has been broken down for a while now and it is definitely a wiring issue which is a pain in ass. You gonna fix it? Not only fix it but fix it for $FREE.99? NOT ONLY FIX IT, I want new floor mats with tasmanian devils on them. I'm not talking about "TAZ" mats, I want live tasmanian devils to wipe my feet on. If you have answered no to any of these questions, then you understand why you're on the list. EVERYONE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

This image came up when I searched "tasmanian devil eating earth"...You should probably get it tattooed

Rock of Fist!

So I just got home a few days ago and am now back on my regular t.v. viewing schedule. This is great for the blog and terrible for my health. I have noticed that VH1 has another terrible celebreality show that apparently some people love. I am not one of these people. Today's nominee is...BRET MICHAELS!! Why won't this guy just let the brain aneurysm happen and embrace home life? I have never cared for Bret Michaels. He wears a wig! REALLY?!?! That shit ain't rockin! How can you be a "rockstar" and wear a wig on a daily basis? I am not a "rockstar", I'm not "rockin". If it takes wearing a bandana to keep your wig and or hair extensions consealed everyday to be either, I respectfully pass. This guy goes from reality shows where he's trying to find love with random strange woman to a family show? Thats not rockin. I was ready to give him a chance at redemption, a chance to prove he doesn't suck at life. I even went as far as to give his show a few very valuable minutes of my time on this earth and immediately regretted it. He was discussing how his first live "rock" show after suffering all of his not near enough to death experiences was going to be against doctors orders. He spoke in third person and referred to himself as "Ol' Bretty". As in, "They told me not go on stage because I should be dead, but thats not how Ol' Bretty does things!" OL BRETTY? Thats your nickname for yourself? Was that given to you? You survived being a diabetic, in a hair metal band, having a brain aneurysm, with a hole in your heart, and you haven't picked up any cooler names then that? I'm gonna give you a new nickname that you hopefully you will fully embrace, Ol Retired Bretty! Don't be scared to spend some time with your family away from the camera. You could watch your daughters brush their barbies hair and you could  brush your wigs. BRET MICHAELS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

GO TO BE ONE WITH THE ALIENS!

With just a few days left of my trip to "Chicago" a.k.a. Hammond, IN I have come to a conclusion that a good percentage of the natives are rude, obnoxious, and just jerks in general. I am aware that there are good people here, but I have only met a few. The work has been great, plenty of hours and plenty of players but still. Todays nominee is THE ASSHOLES OF HAMMOND INDIANA!  It takes alot to make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe but this place does it. I have made the trip to BW3 twice and both times was greeted by an armed police officer checking I.D. REALLY?!?! Bdubs needs an armed guard? Thats ridiculous. On my last trip there I got to see the armed guard in action because apparently a group decided to walk out on their tabs. Once again, I'm sure there are good people around that have great personalitys, are friendly, and don't deserve the bad reputations that the others have given their city. Driving to and from work or anywhere else is absolutely brutal. Some of the worst drivers in the world seem to keep to inserting themselves in my path. Turn signals are non-existant, and randomly stopping anywhere in the road is completely acceptable. You can count on getting mean mugged and stared at whenever walking by a native, and it makes you feel the need to check your pockets after they have passed. There has been unecessary drama due to the actions of ignorant natives that have potentially ruined others lives due to their selfish behavior. For those of you who are residents of this town and are hard working, curtious, good drivers, this is not directed at you. This is for those of you who live here and are worthless, rude, ignorant, pieces of shit. Next time you want to drive like an asshole, close your eyes, floor it, and jerk the wheel towards the nearest wall or off of a bridge. You should get together with assholes from all over the country that ruin everyone elses day to day lives and join one of those groups that believes aliens are coming to take over the world and the only way to join them is to kill yourself first. I mean it's got to be true and I think you would all be great candidates for rebirth in another world far, far away from here. THE ASSHOLE'S OF HAMMOND, INDIANA, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Shreksquatch is on the loose!!!

So I was working yesterday when there was an incident at the table and it was definitely blog worthy. I have once again woken early and already finished cleansing my body so here we go. Today's nominee is....PEOPLE WHO ARE UNECESSARILY  DRAMATIC! I had just moved to a new table and was already informed that there was some bickering going on between two players that I should keep an eye on. Player one had the appearance of a small jesus with long pulled back hair and full beard, but had the attitude of a large asshole. Player two looked as though sasquatch and shrek had got together reproduced and had a mentally challenged bastard child. Shreksquatch ruined 2 hours of my life that I will never get back and I can't help but be upset about it. This guy did one thing after another to continuously stir up anger and hate from everyone around him. He was easily  6'4 and 350lbs of pure worthlessness. He felt it necessary to squezze his bottle of water every time he took a drink which annoys the shit out of me! THEY ARE FREE! You don't have to get every last drop that has fallen into the grooves of the bottle, just get a new one you idiot. The baby jesus player was wearing a jesse jackson "keep hope alive" shirt and the beast that was player 2 was none to pleased about it. This man HATES Jesse Jackson for reason's unknown. He was like a raging bull and this guy, B.J. (baby jesus), was standing in front of him taunting after painting himself red. They were exchanging verbal jabs throughout my time at the table until finally Shreksquatch was elminated. I was prepared for this moment and fully aware that shit was probably bout to go down. As the monster slowly picked his items up to leave the table B.J. laid into him, "Hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave!" The beast was none to happy and had now decided he was ready to commit to physical battle. This is when I swooped in being the white knight I am to protect little baby jesus. Shreksquatch said he wasn't leaving the area, I told him get out. He said he was going to take pictures of everyone so he could remember us, I told him no shot. This angered him more! It was break time so everyone had to leave the tournament area but he was still refusing. It got to the point that security had to step in and walk him out of the room. REALLY!?!? Why is it necessary to conitnue to be an asshole and obnoxious when you can't win? It's like trying to fight the police, your just gonna end up getting pepper sprayed and hog tied. I know this for a fact. Not saying how I know, I'm just saying. PEOPLE WHO ARE UNECESSARILY DRAMATIC, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

Now that swine flu's gone, lets fix this

I would like to apologize for the couple days that it's been since the last post. I'm working again, and unfortunately that doesn't leave very much time to do all the misc. things that I have started doing in my time off. I have for some reason woken up early this morning, altough I did a decent amount of boozin' last night. I have decided to use this time to write instead of going back to sleep and catching another hour or so. YOUR WELCOME! Todays nomine is....HATERS OF THE WORLD! I really want to give specific names but unfortunately I don't have health insurance and I fear doing so could lead to me getting shanked while enjoying a casual walk in the park. You may be asking yourself, "How can I find out if I am one of the millions of people in the world infected with this condition known as hateriasis?". Do you hate when other people succeed where you have failed? Are you jealous of someone else's abilities that you lack? Do you feel it necessary to try to prevent someone from taking advantage of an opportunity given to them because you weren't asked? Are you mad because someone is really good looking and your busted? Do you wake up every morning with a massive case of the bitter butthole syndrom? If so, you may be infected with hateriasis. I will not lie, I have caught a case of  hateriasis before but luckily it is easily treated. A strong dosage of positivity and humbleness can usually fix you right up. With all the struggles people face on a daily basis, it is not necessary for you to make it even harder. I'm talking about while at work, or on personal time. If someone gets a raise at work or is promoted and you don't because you were under qualified, or you just have a really bad attitude, keep your mouth shut. If you see someone with a really hot significant other, or a stable family, or whatever it is you wish you had in your personal life but can't obtain due to your own fault, blame yourself. I am a firm believer in life is what you make it, and that if you have a dream then you should chase it. Unfortunately there will always be those that will hate and do whatever is in their power to stop you. These people will never be happy or content with life as long as someone else is doing better then them. I have found the best way to deal with this situation is to continue to do what makes me happy and whatever leads me towards what I want out of life. I am really good looking, hillariously funny, and probably the best kisser in the world!! Do you feel the need to say something negative right now? STOP HATING! HATERS OF THE WORLD, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

It's like a combination of jesus and fergie

We're gonna get into todays nomination immediately..KARAOKE DJ'S WHO TAKE THEIR JOB WAY TO SERIOUSLY! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy karaoke almost as much as Asian businessmen do. I have been known to bless bars across the country with my vocal skills. I am pretty sure the last time I performed Boyz 2 Men a woman standing next to the speaker got pregnant from the vibrations. However, when the DJ thinks they're the head of a major record label and forgets that he's working for free beer it destroys the experience. One in particular come's to mind at Fishbonz Bar in Oklahoma. This guy has a 1993 headset microphone that he doesn't take off the entire night, and he controls the stage under an iron fist. A group of  friends and I decided to perform together and the second the song was over we were told "Get off of MY stage!". REALLY?!?!? YOUR stage?? Your job is to make people laugh, let loose, spend money, and enjoy the evening. Not to be a dick. I get it that sometimes people can be rude when singing and you have to cut them off, but when the whole bar is laughing and singing along you should probably let it happen. Just because you aspire in life to one day be the new Diddy and take over the music business, doesn't mean you deserve the same respect he gets. Why not take advantage of your situation? You get free booze that you could then give to woman! Eventually one of them is gonna get drunk enough that she'll believe you when you tell her you got big plans for your future, and that your about explode on the music scene. If you're not willing to enjoy your job for what it is then get a new one. Stop ruining my night because if I don't perform it's more then likely gonna cause a riot. KARAOKE DJ'S WHO TAKE THEIR JOB WAY TO SERIOUSLY, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

Keep it moving...

I woke up this morning and decided to go get myself some delicious breakfast. McDonalds has without a doubt the best drive-thru breakfast around here. They also just fired the monopoly game back up so I will be eating there as frequently as I can, to try to get rich. If anybody wants to do some tag team work collecting pieces let me know, you get boardwalk, I'll get park place. WE WILL BE RICH! Sorry for those of you who don't know me personally, I am constantly on the search for the chance to get rich. The previous couple sentences have nothing to do with who is about to be nominated, I'm just saying. Todays nominee is...THE LARGE WOMAN IN FRONT OF ME IN THE DRIVE-THRU TODAY! She is not being nominated because of her size or sex but rather because of her half hour order time in the drive-thru! It's a drive-thru! I worked with a guy who was a manager of a McDonalds and a random fact he told me was that, it should take no longer then 1-2 minutes to get thru. She stared at the menu as if she had never eaten at Mcdonalds before. REALLY?!?!? I'm pretty sure you didn't get to that size by not eating McDonalds. I'm a thick guy so once again, she was not selected because of size. I had the window down so I was able to hear her order "Ummmm, and give me a super size number 2, and 4 hashbrowns, 8 big breakfest meals, 16 more hashbrowns, a McGriddle stacked on top of another McGriddle." I'm pretty sure she tryed to order a Big Mac. I was afraid for the girl taking her order that when she said no on the Big Mac that the woman might freak out and create another great youtube video of a customer punching thru the window of a fast food joint. I have placed large orders at the drive-thru before but it never took this long. Even if it did take this long, I didn't have to endure the wait behind me so it doesn't matter. If your gonna go thru and make a large order be prepared, I suggest a list. What if I had a real job and was trying to get thru quickly so I wouldn't be late? What if I was driving to the hospital while having the heart attack I have been anticipating for so long and decided to have one last sausage egg and cheese? I would of died before tasting that sweet sweet biscuit. She could of killed me! And that is why, THE LARGE WOMAN IN THE DRIVE-THRU IN FRONT OF ME TODAY, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

The First of Many Appearance's

Todays nominee is someone that I wish I could go back and erase from my mind even if it cost me other precious memories. I could hit the lottery and turn on the tv while sitting on my live chinchilla couch, resting my feet on my pet white tiger, with the mini gold giraffe from the direct tv commercial (youtube it) sitting next to me and she would ruin the moment. NANCY GRACE! I hate this woman. You may say that hate is a strong word but you're hopefully saying it while you agree with me. She gets paid way to much money to sit and run her gum's about things that she has no idea about. If you are somehow a fan of  this woman I suggest that you check out her wikipedia.She refuse's to ever admit fault to anything she has done wrong. She was engaged in 1979 and her fiancee was murdered. I understand that this is sad, but she turned it into a publicity stunt to sell more of her books. She lied, and exagerrated about the facts of her own fiancee's murder for her personal career advancement. Really?!? She interviewed a mother of a missing child on her show, and grilled her so bad with accusations that the mother killed herself the next morning before the show aired. Did she apologize? No, Nancy Grace is NEVVVER  wrong. She told the world a man was guilty of abducting a girl when he was only named suspect. She didn't suggest it, she said he WAS in fact guilty. Only problem with this is the police found out who actually was guilty, and guess what??? It wasn't him. When asked if she felt bad or had any remorse for accusing the guy (he died while in custody), she said it was his own fault because of his past. I hate you Nancy Grace! I feel sorry for your children and can only hope that they file for legal independence as soon as they can sign their names. I hope your husband cheats on you with one of the girls from my previous blog and it makes national headlines.The girls who will you use personal messages, etc. to get rich or famouse off of a man that is. Matter of fact, if one of the girls does so I will remove them from my list. I will dedicate one day's blog to that specific girl and how she is now an angel.  NANCY GRACE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

What happened to keeping sexting classy?

I went to the Cinncinati Bengals game yesterday, my first NFL game. I was fortunate enough to leave with roughly 2 minutes, so I didn't get to see the last second loss. Besides the unbearable heat, extreme brightness after only a few hours of sleep, and the heartbreaking loss, it was pretty fun. This is sort of a lead into who I will be nominating today. I did miss yesterday so there will be 2 punches thrown today, I'm going to lead off with who has me the most upset....GIRLS WHO TAKE VOICEMAILS, SEXTS, ETC. AND TRY TO GET RICH OFF THEM. Ladies, I am fully aware that men do the same things but that's a whole different fight. I was online today reading through the news, sports headlines, and of course completely pointless gossip and weird stories, when I ran across a story about Brett Favre. The woman's name is Jennifer Sterger, she has posed for playboy, and has been voted one of the hottest sports fans repeatedly. A voicemail has been turned into a tabloid magazine, along with a photo text both supposedly form Favre. The picture is a full on shot of what is Favres ummmm we'll say "Favorite Teamate". This girl was a sideline correspondent for The Jets while he played there, and that is when it all went down. How many times is this going to happen until these rich guy's quit that shit? These woman take personal message's that were meant be kept discreet, and try to turn them into a gold mine. They sell them to tabloids, and websites, and anyone else who will make it rain on them. I understand that if you're having an affair with a rich and famous man that is married, or in a relationship, that you can make A LOT of money off of it. You should also be aware however that you are just as responsible as they are for what's going on. It's not like meeting a random person at a bar, having a good ol' one nighter, and then finding out they're taken. They are celebrities, you can google them and find out virtually anything you want. If your goal is to get rich, why not just respond to the "sext" with, "Thanks! Now if you'll send me another sexy picture of you writing a check to me so I don't go and turn this into someone else! XOXO". Why go out of your way to destroy their lives? I'm sure that if you're gonna extort them they would much rather you do it discreetly. GIRLS WHO TAKE VOICEMAILS, SEXTS, ETC. AND TRY TO GET RICH OF THEM, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

The second nominee is THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. I'm going to keep this short and sweet. There is already talk that Brett Favre will recieve punishment by the league for this incident. REALLY?!? You pay these men millions of dollars, make them peoples heroes, and sometimes sex symbols.Then you expect them not to enjoy the benefits? You act as if no one in the league has any idea that any of this goes on anytime there's an incident. You're going to suspend and or fine someone for sending a picture of their manhood to a woman he's trying to impress? It's already a questionable move on his part.What if she's not impressed? What if she laughs when she see's it? What if it's the wrong number? What if she sell's it to someone and his family finds out and his whole life is destroyed? He also has to consider what you're gonna do to him, NFL? When players start recieving accidental sext's from other players then you can step in, otherwise leave the guy alone. NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

2 for 1 special

Obviously I missed yesterday, I was a little bit hungover and had zero motivation. That's not saying that there weren't any people that I felt deserved to be punched in the face, I just kept it stored and am now ready to let it out. If your mad or upset that I missed yesterday I apologize, I like to party.

Todays first person will be set in history as the first woman to be nominated for this honor, AMBER FROM TEEN MOM! I have discussed this blog and it's subject with numerous friends and this name has come up almost everytime. She's the big girl that use to be fat and then lost some weight but is still large enough that's she now a "big girl" and not fat. This girl is completely rude, physically and emotionally abusive, and drops f bombs constantly in front of her infant child. When she was fat she was just a really mean person, but now that she's a "big girl" and not fat you have to add confidence to her emotional issues. I would NEVER hit a woman, it's one of the few rules that I live by with no exceptions. I have been punched, scratched, bitten, and spit on all by woman and have never thrown a punch. No, none of them were in a good way so please no jokes of "I wish they would do that to me! Bahaha!!". If I could get a free pass where no one would remember it, no physical harm would be done, and I wouldn't get in any legal trouble, I would almost def. pop her. I keep waiting to get online and see the headline one morning, "Teen mom gets knocked out after Gary finally lose's his cool!". Gary is her baby daddy and gets his ass kicked every episode. It has gotten so bad as of late that MTV now airs a public service announcement with a hotline about domestic violence after certain episodes. I would be willing to bet and give odds that the sales of condoms has gone up dramatically since the show starting following her. She is the poster child of baby mama drama. AMBER FROM TEEN MOM, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

My second nominee will also be making history as the first team to make the list....CINCINNATI REDS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE! I live in Ohio, for those of you that are reading this and don't know me personally or just aren't aware of where I reside. I am not that into sports. I do however  like seeing everyone around here get super excited because one of our teams has not sucked that bad this year. All the Cincinnati fans endure so much every year from the disappointment of the Reds and Bengals. Everyone was hoping this year would be the end of it, that the Reds would finally get back to being "The Big Red Machine". So far the exact opposite has happened. Game 1 ended in a no hitter, and last night in game 2 they blew a 4-0 lead. This is one of the reason's I can't get fully ingulfed in sports. If they were "My team" and I watched every game, knew there stat's, knew the history of the team, and put my heart on the line only to be dissapointed, I might off myself. Why would I go so far as to off myself over a baseball team? Because, I have a gambling problem and if I was willing to put my heart on the line for a team I would definitely be willing to put my money up. I would be so deep on some bookies debt list that he would probably have my knees shattered and bury me in a very "Goodfella" like style. I don't want my knee's shattered or to be put in a grave with some form of torture involved. No one kills me but me. So for those of you reading this that are Cincinnati fans, I hope it turns around for you. I hope that the Reds come back. I hope that somehow they bring back the "Nasty Boys".  But will any of this happen? Probably not. For letting down your fans over and over again...CINCINNATI REDS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Thanks for ruining the start of my day..

I woke up this morning around 9:30 am, and strolled out to the living room to start my day with a little bit of country music courtesy of CMT. I like country music, I enjoy almost all music actually. I am aware that not everyone is a fan of country but I'm not starting your day, I'm starting mine so just go with it. I get comfortable on the couch and start checking my facebook (obviously), then I turn on the tv. That moment is when my day started going to the dumps. Facebook put be me on tilt, and then I turn on the tv only to find this guy ruining my day...ERIC CHURCH. If you don't listen to country I have posted the youtube link at the bottom so you can see what I'm talking about (copy and paste). The song is called "Smoke a Little Smoke" and if I was gonna compare the quality of the lyrics it would come in a close second to "Mary had a Little Lamb". What is so wrong with it you ask? I just happen to have examples,  1)"Want a little more right, and a little less left" 2)"Turn the quiet up, Turn the noise down" 3)"I'm gonna sit right here, Stay away from there"...really? Really?!?!? Obviously if you want a little more right then you must want a little less left, and if your gonna sit right here your not going there. As for numero 2, I'm pretty sure thats a complete contradiction and makes no sense. Moving on, the way he is dressed and acts in the video makes me wanna "Punch a Little Face". The whole hat, sunglasses, 7 o'clock shadow tough guy look has been done alot lately in country and I believe it's time to quit that shit. I know that it was probably really tough to follow up your first hit "Guys Like Me" which I originally thought was an anthem for how many men in the world like you, you know that special kind of like. It is actually another lyrical power house, "I wear a greasy ballcap, I like my shirt untucked, I spend saturdays workin on my truck!". Thanks for ruining the start of my day. ERIC CHURCH, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxWjtWONuGc&ob=av2n

First fist goes too....

This will be the first blog of "You Deserve To Be Punched In The Face", therefore I feel I should explain what this page will contain. Some people in the world deserve to be punched in the face. These people may be celebs, people who think they are famous, or just everyday people. This will hopefully be a format for myself and anyone else who choose's to follow this page to let loose and say who they think deserves a good ol' punch to the face for any reason. I will be posting hopefully daily, or at least on a semi-regular basis. Let me say this is not about actually going out and physically harming someone. I am not promoting violence against these people, I'm just saying if it happened I would more then likely laugh. I will give reason for selecting someone to the list everytime they are added. I don't know anything about blogging so if it seems amateur that's because it is. I googled "how to create a blog for free" and apparently I have that privilege thru my google account that I never use. If you wanna help with the page as far as pictures, videos, etc. let me know because I'm sure I will need all the help I can get. My grammar is not the best and I'm almost certain every entry will have mistakes and mispelled words. It is just for fun, and entertainment. DO NOT PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE AND SAY I TOLD YOU TOO! I am not asking, requesting, or giving any approval to cause physical harm to another human being. DON'T DO IT!

The first official fist goes to...(I can hear a drum roll in my head) MARK McGRATH. The lead singer of Sugar Ray, and now current host of the almost immediately annoying "Don't Forget The Lyrics!". Watching him jump around on the stage playing to the audience and contestant's while they murder whatever song that has been chosen makes me want to punch him in the face. The show itself makes me wanna punch the t.v. even when I'm just flipping thru the channels and catch a quick glimpse. I would even go as far as to say if the remote stopped working and it was stuck on VH1 while "DFTL" was on I would feel obligated to throw it through the telivision. Why not just get up and change the channel or turn the tv off? Because the remote quite me when I needed it most, and the tv should of known to shut off when VH1 was on for more then the standard second and a half that it takes to flip through. Plus it's usually not my tv so I'm not really that concerned with it. Mark McGrath, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!