No short story to start this one, TODAYS NOMINEE IS....ME! I have gotten shit from some of you who I see or speak to on a somewhat regular basis due to my lack of effort lately with this blog. I know that when I started writing I said it would be a daily blog, or at least semi-daily, but I have just been really lazy. It's kind of difficult to find the drive to put out a quality product on a daily basis. If I were to compare the level of motivation required to perform everyday consistantly and deliver life changing material it would obviously be comparable to a dolphin who performs in a show at Sea World. I quarantee sometimes at the start of the day, flipper don't feel like doing any dam front flips no matter how many fish you give him. Not because he doesn't want you to update your FB status to, "OMG!! Flipper just did a triple flip thru a flaming hula hoop!!" but rather because he is just tired. Does this mean I'm gonna start writing everyday? Does this mean I'm gonna turn it around and make my world revolve around fictionally punching people in the face? Have I found a fire that burns so deep and bright inside of me that I will never let you down again? Will I have a healthy breakfast? The answer to all these questions is, no. I'm gonna write when I get the motivation and desire to post something that I feel will make the world a better place. As far as breakfast goes, I'm gonna go to waffle house and get scrambled eggs w/cheese, hashbrowns double covered and crisp, white toast (not wheat), and coke filled with grenadine...ADAM NASH, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
So once again I am aware it has been a while since I last wrote but because of an email from a friend I have found the motivation needed. No messing around tonight, TODAYS NOMINEE IS...BOB PARSON'S! Bob is the founder of godaddy.com and apparently a worldwide expert on the killing of helpless animals. If you haven't heard by now he went Zimbabwe and killed an elephant and then made up some BS for reason's as to why he did it. He claims that he was contacted by the people of the area about the removal of problematic hurd of elephants. Really bob?!?!?! Are you Elephant Dundee? I haven't seen any of your movies but you must of made some to show your quests. Not only have you messed with millions of men's hormones by showing those teaser commercials where no one ever gets naked, but you also make up fake occupations for yourself? You have all that money and the best thing you can find to do is kill an elephant that isn't being aggressive toward you? Well guess what BOBO? I have been contacted by the elephants of zimbabwe and been made aware that some prick is coming there and killing random members of their population. They would like it handled and I have accepted. So I would like to do this in the same manner that you did. I will give you a 100 yard distance head start. I will do distance not time because I feel if i gave you a 5 minute head start you would have a heart attack trying to run 100 yards and die before I could get ya! I will even go as far as to hide oxygen tanks throughought some bushes in the field so that if you manage to hide for a minute you can catch your breath. From reading your bio and other information I am willing to bet that you are more of Hooker Dundee Bob. Next time you get a "call" about helping zimbabwe out how bout you just ship them some cash and let them handle the elephants. BOB PARSON'S, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It has been a long time since I have written anything on here. I have been lazy but have also been finding other ways to blow of steam. Walking is starting to become a requirement of my day to day life or it does not seem to go smoothly. I went walking earlier to do some thinking and so on but a homeless man ruined that by trying to get money from me. Not only do I not have any money to give him but if I had money he wouldn't get it. He is not todays nominee. I have a list of nominees but he is not worthy of making it. I will instead nominate someone who has been deserving of this honor for a long time. I don't know her name so I will instead make a category to put her in. TODAYS NOMINEE IS...PEOPLE WHO PUT HORNS ON THEIR MOBILE CHAIRS!!!!! Even if your wheelchair has a motor it is completely inappropriate to have a horn on it. If you are disabled and require wheels to get around that doesn't give you a license to be a jerk. Unless your handicap includes the loss of the ability to speak you don't need a horn. A horn is installed on a car because you can't always yell loud enough to let someone know something bad is about to happen. When you are within a voice's reach of another person it is never appropriate to honk to get them to move. Just because your lazy when it comes to walking doesn't give you the right to be lazy when it come's to talking. A simple "Excuse me" or maybe "Pardon me, can I get by you?" would be completely appropriate and in no way a hassle. Next time you wanna honk at someone, how bout you take the horn of your scooter and sit on it? PEOPLE WHO PUT HORNS ON THEIR MOBILE CHAIRS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!! (Insert a horn on the chair below)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I woke up this morning with a pretty bad hangover. Is this my fault? Is it because I had a couple to many beers? I don't believe so. Budweiser wouldn't do that to me, we're friends. I blame todays nominee for the massive headache and all around shitty feeling I have been dealing with all day. Todays nominee is...THE GUY WHO INVENTED JAGER BOMBS! You asshole! You combined the deliciousness of red bull with the blackoutness of Jager. Because of your invention I have had the shakes all day. It's not just jager bombs though, it's any shot with the word "Bomb" attached to it. When you mix an energy drink with any alcoholic beverage it's probably not the best idea. These little bastards will sneak up on you. I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "Jager Bombs?!?!? You're bitching about Jager Bombs? I shoot 151 with no chaser!" Listen tough guy and or girl, good for you! I don't feel the need to prove my manliness when ordering a round of shots. I AM A MAN! I HAVE A BEARD! I don't need to prove anything to you! I'm trying to be courteous of others when ordering drinks so that everyone will enjoy them. I'm almost sure the the guy who invented jager bombs was thinking the same when he ordered the first ever round of them. It's either that or he wanted to get some chick super wasted so he could "watch a movie" with her. THE GUY WHO INVENTED JAGER BOMBS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
I don't understand some things in life. Why is fried chicken so unhealthy, yet so delicious? Why are shots at the bar so delicious, yet so expensive? Why am I not rich yet? Why do people who get rich off of one thing feel the need to try something different? Todays nominee is.....KID ROCK. The balls on this guy! You got famous for being a 3 in 1 combination of a DJ/RAPPER/ROCKER who happens to be white trash and proud of it. That's not enough for him to be satisified. He has to branch off in to country music? You ever heard of "spread the wealth" Kid Rock? I bet your a selfish bastard. I'm sure all you had to do was call your label, tell em you've gone country, and they said it was the best idea ever! Something like this, "Your going to sell millions of albums! Who cares about the fans that enjoyed the music you became famous for?" Your kind of a dick Kid Rock. Let me explain why I say your only "kind of" a dick. I like the fact that you still fight at waffle house, or strip clubs in whatever town your in. I like that you either have been smiling, or so trashed you don't seem to have any idea what's going on in every mugshot I have seen of you. Sometimes you find yourself in a Waffle House, in a town your just visiting for work, and you have to deal with assholes. I've been there. I approve of the way you handled it, I did the same. I'm going to use those qualitys to take some force off of your fist. Unfortunately, you still must be punched. Let someone else have a shot at making a country album that actually loves the music and is not just trying to find a new way to make money. It's not really even "country" specific, just quit making stupid shit. What's your next move Kid Rock? You gonna move over to R&B and cover some classic Jodeci? I'm sure you've got some old thick gold chains along with a kangol suit that you could use for the video. I bet your version of "Come and Talk To Me" will top the charts! KID ROCK, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
I have decided to end the longest relationship in my life. There have been good times, there have been bad times. In the end I believe I will be better on my own. This leads to todays nominee....FACEBOOK! That is correct, I am deleting my facebook account. I have wasted far to many hours of my life on the social network instead of improving my real life. I'm done with it. Although I enjoy checking out all the pictures taken while having good times with friends, that is about all I will miss. I will not miss all the drama that has been caused by unecessary comments, status updates, etc. I am now ready to get back to one on one communication with all my actual friends, not just "Facebook Friends". It is scary to think that I will no longer be aware of what goes on in this whole other world. I feel it will also be a sort of weight off of my shoulders. I feel like I am Neo in the matrix. I am ready to step out and see what the real world is like. A world where accepting friends and updating my status will no longer be a priority. Step back and think about it for a minute. I know that almost everyone loves facebook that has an account. I did for a while, but not so much anymore. People no longer take the time to call or text and catch up but instead leave a comment for everyone else to see and put their thoughts in. Close friendships have turned into nothing more then clicking "like" on a status. As far as the fan page for this blog on facebook, I'm not really sure what will happen with it. It will still be available for your comments and posts. It will be up to you as a reader and follower to keep it alive. In the words of Drago from Rocky, "If it dies, it dies!" I will continue to blog and hopefully do it more frequently without the distraction of facebook. FACEBOOK, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I hate waking up. I hate interacting with others when I have just woken up. I hate when I want to go to sleep or stay asleep and others interupt me. Todays nominee, MORNING PEOPLE! If you wake up and feel it necessary to chat it up, talk to yourself. It's not that I don't like you or want to speak with you, you're just gonna need to give it a couple hours. Some people have the capability to wake up and put a smile on their face and be social, I am not one of you weirdo's. I need at least an hour of alone time before I am ready to deal with other voices besides the ones in my head. I would also like to address those that feel it necessary to be loud and annoying while I am trying to go to sleep. When I have decided it's bedtime it's time to shut it. I don't wanna hear your t.v. through the wall, or your thoughts on how the day went. I am a cranky jerk. I'm ok with that. I am currently in a hotel room where I have to deal with some annoying lady on the otherside of the wall who wakes up way to early and decdies to start calling everyone she know's. REALLY?!?!? It's frickin 8 a.m. and you wanna talk? I bet the people you call don't want to deal with your ass either. I definitely don't wanna hear you going on about nothing to someone who probably couldn't care less. How bout you do us all a favor and put your phone in a timed safe that doesn't open til about noon. Bottom line is if everyone could maintain a code of silence until approval has been given by everyone else to speak, the world would be a better place. MORNING PEOPLE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!