Keep your eyes on the road before you run into a FIST

When I came home from my last job I managed to drink about a 40's worth of red bull on the drive back. This then kept me awake for roughly two days, minus a couple hours I passed out on the couch. While I was awake in the late night/early morning I saw an infomercial for real estate that guaranteed me to get FILTHY RICH! If you have suffered from insomnia or been up drunk watching the t.v. you have almost definitely seen the same commercial. Todays nominee is...DEAN GRAZIOSI! This frickin' guy! I was honestly torn between writing a blog about him or buying his book! Every bio. that I have read about Dean shows that he has legitimately made a boat load of money on his own in real estate. His books have been at the top of best-seller lists and supposedly other people have made money following his guide. Are you starting to wonder what I have against Dean Graziosi? Let me tell you. HE FILMED HIS COMMERCIAL WHILE DRIVING HIS CAR! REALLY?!?! That shit ain't safe! People are so worried about texting while driving, when will the real problem of filming commercials while driving be addressed? If your so rich, and ballin' out from real estate where is your set? Did you use super glue or duct tape to strap your hand held camera on to your dashboard? He even makes references while filming himself that he has to be careful because "I'm driving right now!" This guy has got some balls on him! Does he think he is impressing me because he's filming a commercial while driving? If so, he is sadly mistaken. I have done way more impressive things while driving. Have you ever changed your whole outfit including pants while driving Dean? Have you ever ate a delicious chipotle burrito while driving Dean? Have you ever chugged a beer while you were texting and playing poker online driving a stick shift Dean? I may have or may not have done the last one but I know for a fact that Dean hasn't! He looks way more like a hookers and blow kind of guy. DEAN GRAZIOSI, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Have a shot of jack with a FIST backer

So now that I have been forced to work swing (night) shift I have had to deal with many new personalities. Most of which I do not care for. The later the day goes on, the drunker and more annoying they get. I had this problem when I was a bouncer also. I don't deal with drunks well when I too am not drunk. Todays nominee is....ANNOYING DRUNKS. Look, I like to party. I like to party with other people. But I don't like to be around other people partying when I'm not. It is on my top 5 list of situations I hate being in. As the night goes on players stumble in from the night club in the casino and other bars that have shut down. This is not ok. Go home! Don't make me listen to your stories as you unknowingly repeat them over, and over again. This is not cool. Unless your gonna be the drunk that tips me minimum $5 a hand, I will tell you to stop repeating yourself. You will then be offended which of course you will overreact to because your wasted. Have I ever been drunk while others weren't and made them deal with my obnoxiousness? Of course I have. In case you haven't caught on to the pattern of this blog so far, I am different then everyone else. I am awesome, and everyone loves me unconditionally. So none of the situations that upset me, apply to me. I don't like being in bars with drunks, I don't like dealing cards with drunks, I don't like riding in cars with drunks, and I DO NOT like green eggs and ham...ANNOYING DRUNKS, YOU DESERVER TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

2 days can't come quick enough!

I have found myself in a bit of a situation as of late, so many deserve to be nominated that I don't know where to begin. I could post a list of names and go one by one but I don't feel like giving you that much time out of my precious life. I have the time to do it because most of you that would be on this list have talked enough shit about me that my work hours have been restricted. My trip that I have been on for work for the past week or so has been completely shit on by your unecessary drama. My personal life has been affected and it's all due to your assholeness...Todays nominee is DRAMA KINGS/ QUEENS OF TULSA! I think that almost everyone that has a job has someone they work with that is worthless but can't come to terms with it. They feel over entitled to things that they don't deserve. I should probably get this out of the way before I get any further, this is not directed at everyone I work with here. If you come to work, do your job, and allow others to do the same this is not for you. But it if you are one of the ones here affected with my previously mentioned "Hateriosis", piss off. Because of your bitching and whining everyday I have been forced to deal with drama from all angles of my life. You have put me in such a bad spot that it has the potential to change everything that my life is at this moment. I try to create humor on this blog for people to read and enjoy, but this is not in the least bit amusing to me. I feel like I am back at high school being the cool kid (that I obviously am), and you are the tag alongs that never could have the relationships with others that you wanted. You should take a step back, look in the mirror and repeat after me..."I am an asshole, I am NOT what I tell myself I am everyday, People don't like me, I am an asshole!" Once you can come to terms with what you are, you can change. Maybe one day you'll earn everything that you think deserve. ONCE AGAIN, this is a small group that is ruining things for the majority of good people. If you are one of the good people and are tired of getting a bad reputation do to your co-workers, stand up for yourself. There are times in life where what must be done, must be done regardless of consequences.If you feel that you are one of the before mentioned assholes feel free to come talk to me about it. I would love to hear your reasons for acting the way you do. DRAMA KINGS/QUEENS OF TULSA, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

Please hold while I punch

I just got off of the phone with the unemployment office. Clearly there is no need to go into who's getting nominated today...NEVADA UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE! So like most human beings under the age of 49 I no longer have a million minutes for my phone each month. I have 400 monthly for during the day, and unlimited nights and weekends. It took 210 minutes this morning to deal with these assholes. REALLY!?!? Over half of my monthly minutes were wasted while on hold, and they asked the same questions over and over. I was speaking to an actual person for less then a half hour of the total time I was on the phone. I had all the information necessary to make the process quick and easy but they were having none of that. I had all my jobs, locations, phone numbers, etc. for everywhere that I had worked for the last 2 years ready to go. This was not my doing, I don't plan that far ahead, but my girl does. I plan on not planning and then taking up all the time and resources of the responsible other party. But I was ready this time! Except I forgot that for a 6 weekend period last year I "checked" ID at the door of a college bar. This made everything go ape shit. When I asked for 2 minutes to look up the info from the bar I was told very firmly,  "I can not hold for 2 minutes while you look, there are others on hold that have all their information ready!" You have had me on hold for over 2 hours you incompetent waste of space! I could literally hear the woman asking her supervisor or whoever it was that was next to her the answers to all my questions. If your job is to answer the phone and answer other people's questions shouldn't you know your shit? How bout next time you answer the phone "Diane", just say "Thank you for calling Dominoes. How may I help you?" This is what I did when I worked at Pizza Hut and didn't feel like dealing with customers. Sixty percent of the time, it works everytime. NEVADA UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

Put your face on my fist!

Tonight I feel like punching everyone. This probably includes anyone reading this. It's nothing personal, it's just how I feel at the moment. Todays nominee is EVERYONE! You may be asking yourself, What did I do to deserve to be nominated? What has the entire population of the world done to deserve this? The real question you should be asking is, What have I done to stay off of the list? Have you brought me food or other supplys necessary to survive my day to day life? Have you given me money to support any of many bad habits? Ballin ain't cheap. I still have no idea how I pulled a muscle in my chest that combined with my massive heart burn made me think I was having a heart attack. Are you helping me solve that mystery? No one has come forward with information. Now because of your lack of help in the investigation department I gotta pay a hospital bill that has yet to be sent to me. You gonna help pay that? Are you going to become my personal trainer that will travel with me from tournament to tournament to make sure I eat healthy and exercise? Will you accept bad beat stories and skittles as payment for this job? My truck has been broken down for a while now and it is definitely a wiring issue which is a pain in ass. You gonna fix it? Not only fix it but fix it for $FREE.99? NOT ONLY FIX IT, I want new floor mats with tasmanian devils on them. I'm not talking about "TAZ" mats, I want live tasmanian devils to wipe my feet on. If you have answered no to any of these questions, then you understand why you're on the list. EVERYONE, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!

This image came up when I searched "tasmanian devil eating earth"...You should probably get it tattooed

Rock of Fist!

So I just got home a few days ago and am now back on my regular t.v. viewing schedule. This is great for the blog and terrible for my health. I have noticed that VH1 has another terrible celebreality show that apparently some people love. I am not one of these people. Today's nominee is...BRET MICHAELS!! Why won't this guy just let the brain aneurysm happen and embrace home life? I have never cared for Bret Michaels. He wears a wig! REALLY?!?! That shit ain't rockin! How can you be a "rockstar" and wear a wig on a daily basis? I am not a "rockstar", I'm not "rockin". If it takes wearing a bandana to keep your wig and or hair extensions consealed everyday to be either, I respectfully pass. This guy goes from reality shows where he's trying to find love with random strange woman to a family show? Thats not rockin. I was ready to give him a chance at redemption, a chance to prove he doesn't suck at life. I even went as far as to give his show a few very valuable minutes of my time on this earth and immediately regretted it. He was discussing how his first live "rock" show after suffering all of his not near enough to death experiences was going to be against doctors orders. He spoke in third person and referred to himself as "Ol' Bretty". As in, "They told me not go on stage because I should be dead, but thats not how Ol' Bretty does things!" OL BRETTY? Thats your nickname for yourself? Was that given to you? You survived being a diabetic, in a hair metal band, having a brain aneurysm, with a hole in your heart, and you haven't picked up any cooler names then that? I'm gonna give you a new nickname that you hopefully you will fully embrace, Ol Retired Bretty! Don't be scared to spend some time with your family away from the camera. You could watch your daughters brush their barbies hair and you could  brush your wigs. BRET MICHAELS, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!